Hello 911? First, Merry Christmas...., various artists (Mistletunes, 2018)

Louis Prima once wondered "What would Santa Claus say, if he found everybody swinging?" I know it was a rhetorical question, not to mention a rhythmic one, but if he had asked me that question, my answer would have been, "Well, he wouldn't have called the damn cops." Hopefully, nobody's going to call in any SWAT teams when this year's mix disc is blaring out of everyone's Bluetooth speakers. But I'd keep my ID handy just in case.

"Jingle Bells," William Shatner with Henry Rollins -- Well, this'll get things up and running in a heckuva hurry, right? Denny Crane meets Black Flag and they leave nothing on the stage.


"Christmas Time (Is Coming 'Round Again)," The Mavericks -- The popular roots-rockers drag the proceedings back on the rails with this joyful little dance number.


"What Would Santa Do," The Monkees -- Or should we say "The Monkee," since only Mickey is on this one. Nevertheless, he and his pals do a bang-up job with this Rivers Cuomo original.

"Christmas Tears," Eric Clapton -- We're long past the days when no patch of London graffiti was complete without a declaration that "Clapton Is God," but it's still great to hear him knock out a 12-bar classic like this Freddie King holiday lament.


"When the Fat Guy Tries the Chimney on for Size," Rodney Crowell -- The country maverick sacks Nashville for Memphis on this surprisingly soulful ode to the other fat man.

"Sugar Plum," Nicholas Burgess -- Bet you didn't know there were lyrics to "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy." There weren't, until now.


"Revolution Wonderland," The Weeklings -- Because the White Album is 50 years old, and because I seldom pass up a chance to tip my hat to the Beatles on these collections.


"All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth,"  SPiN -- These Philly punks juice up this classic old kiddie tune for the modern age.

"Bad Kid," JD McPherson -- One of the many great new holiday songs on this guy's Christmas album takes a holiday turn on the old Larry Williams favorite "Bad Boy."


"I'm on the Naughty List," Frankie & The Studs -- Here we switch our focus to the bad girls on the holiday with this power pop gem.


"Coal in My Fishnet Stocking," Palmyra Delran -- But what if you're accused of not being a good little girl in one of those social media memes? Why, you get coal, and not clean coal, in your, well....


"Days Long Ago," The Temple Rockers -- As we frequently do on the annual Mistletunes mix, we tip our hat to Hanukkah, or in this case shake out our dreadlocks.

"Noel," Leilani & The Distractions -- A little world beat does wonders for this midnight mass classic.

"White Christmas," Jerad Finck -- I prefer upbeat takes on Bing's signature song, so this year we get this guy, his drum machines, his synths, and a touch of vocorder to get you tapping your toes.


"Christmas Song," St. Lenox -- Here's a catchy new original that started chasing me around my Facebook feed after clicking once on it. I notice he's singing about the leaves instead of the snow; guess he's from sunnier climates than most of us.


"Christmas Stars," Whoa Melodic -- More power pop, a Christmas song about writing a Christmas song.


"Baby Jesus," Rock Eupora -- A birthday song for the birthday boy.


"Hobby Lobby Christmas," Pony Death Ride -- Because I can't resist the occasional topical song parody, especially when it's built on the bones of a catchy classic carol.


"Christmas Holiday," Gurr -- A little British punk rock for the holiday with a little snark and a lot of sentiment.


"Ain't No Father Christmas," Kurt Stifle & the Swing Shift -- Had to squeeze in this holiday repurposing of the old hit "Bread and Butter."


"Do You Know When it's Christmas?," Waterfall Wash -- These guys want to have Christmas in the summertime. Can't say I blame them.


"Rudolph Was Blue," Old 97's -- More roots-rock, this long-running Southwest band rewrites the story of Rudolph and throws a little soul into the mix.


"Merry Merry Christmas," John Legend -- I didn't come across any New Year's songs I liked this year, so I decided to let this guy wrap things up with a New Orleans party beat.