This has actually been around since 1999 but I just saw it for the first time this year. With the "final" Star Wars movie premiering this week, it seems like a good time to run it here.
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People either love Ren and Stimpy or hug the toilet when they come on, and this album, the soundtrack to their 1997 holiday special, is a Christmas gross-out par excellence. There's no plot, they just wander around, bumping into recurring characters like Muddy Mudskipper, Stinky Wizzleteats and Wilbur J. Cobb and singing about something called Yaksmas, and Yak Shaving Day, and so on. There are some originals and others are new lyrics set to old familiar favorites with that Ren and Stimpy, er, flair. "What Is Christmas," "We're Going Shopping" and "I Hate Christmas" are cuts that stand alone if you're making a mix tape; taken all together, it's a hoot on its own terms.
Another one from the 365 Days Project courtesy of "The TOD," it's hard to tell whether this guy is pulling our leg or not. This holiday polka from 1994 is rendered with gusto and a straight face. The TOD lets us know that Armstrong was a member of a Detroit-area band called The Dirty Clergy and that copies of this record were procured at a garage sale at Armstrong's mother's house, but I'll let you visit 365 Days and get the full story, as well as the download.
Al's second Christmas song, from the 1996 single of "Amish Paradise" and his album Bad Hair Day, is a power-pop ode to a militia-ready Santa who levels his North Pole workshop and gets taken out by a SWAT team. It's kind of heavy-handed; "The Only Law Santa Claus Understood" from the Chris Stamey album is a better stab at an outlaw Father Christmas. But it's not bad for all that. Like Al's previous holiday tune "Christmas at Ground Zero," this is not a parody but a fully original song. As there were 10 years between Al's two Christmas songs, he's overdue for a third.
This 1996 disc is easily the stupidest thing I've ever heard, and I've heard Marcel Marceau's live album, "Muhammad Ali and His Friends vs. Mr. Tooth Decay," The Wonder Band's disco version of "Stairway to Heaven" and Garth Brooks pretending to be rock musician Chris Gaines. Most of the album is taken up with some half-baked North Pole sex scandal sketch that manages to be remarkably sex-free in content, not to mention humor-free. At the end of the album are three cuts in which women read typical Penthouse Forum letters over a musical bed; a typical issue of Forum is $5 and has a couple dozen letters, plus erotic pictures. So much for your justification for buying this piece of crap.
This 1996 album is the male counterpart to the Venus Envy lesbian Christmas album, and while it has a few laughs along the way it also has more explicit sex language. But hey, this isn't anything new to anyone who's read the Starr report, right? Love goddess Judy Tenuta makes a cameo appearance. The band revisited Christmas with Homo For the Holidays in 2001, more of the same, with such song titles as "Out in the Bleak Midwinter," "Frozen Assets" done to "Baby It's Cold Outside," "GWM ISO..." and so on. This one's still available, the first one not so much.
I'm always wary of all-"womyn" bands, but with a title like this one, it's hard for anyone to go wrong. And the title song is funny, as are some of the other parodies, especially "The Chipmunk Commitment Song"; you don't often hear covers of Alvin and his pals. "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" is redone with more topical lyrics, and "Rhonda the Lesbo Reindeer" is a hoot; extra points for the Beach Boys quotes. Their original tunes, however, are wordy and excessively earnest. Bob Rivers beat them to the "What's It To Ya Chorus" by several years. And there's got to be more to being a lesbian than taking your lover home to meet your parents, which seems to be part of almost every song on the album. Overall, this 1995 album is a mixed bag. P.S.: Bass player and vocalist Laura Love has since gone out on her own with such well-regarded solo albums as Octaroon and Shum Ticky.
From the era of "party albums," those sex-obsessed comedy recordings of the 60s made mainly by black "chitlin' circuit" comics, we get this 1999 collection from Blowfly, one of the best-known performers from that era. I don't have to draw you too much of a picture: we get 14 familiar Christmas tunes that Blowfly sings with X-rated parody lyrics. This is the kind of thing he's been doing for years, so if you're familiar with him you'll probably get a charge out of this. If you're not familiar with this sort of thing, proceed cautiously -- a lot of people won't find this nearly as funny as you might. UPDATE: There's a previous single, "Blowfly's Christmas Party" backed with "Blowfly's New Year's Party," made in 1980 for TK Disco, according to Goldmine's "Christmas Record Price Guide." There are 7- and 12-inch versions listed by vinyl dealers on various Internet sites.
Sometimes these budget compilations strike gold, as I've mentioned elsewhere on this site. This batch of tunes was custom-recorded on the cheap for the LaserLight label in 1997, so there is no actual roster of artists you might recognize. However, I've included this here because you might need a hard-rock version of "Dance of the Toy Soldiers," a Latin "Let It Snow," a rap "You Better Watch Out," a surf version of "It Came Upon a Midnight Clear," or a reggae "Frosty the Sno Mon." A little on the sterile side performance-wise, but there are some good ideas here, and LaserLight is a bargain label.
This is a chintzy compilation even for a budget label like Laserlight; some of the songs are widely available elsewhere and at least two of them have absolutely nothing to do with Christmas. But that said, there are three cuts worth knowing about. For example, until I laid hands on this 1996 CD I had no idea Eartha Kitt cut a sequel to "Santa Baby," but it's here; "This Year's Santa Baby" uses the same backing track and the new lyrics refer back to the older song. Josephine Premice cuts loose with a Carribean-flavored "Mama, Give Me What You Gave Santa Claus." "The Nut Rocker," a rock arrangement of "The Nutcracker" that originated with B. Bumble and the Stingers, gets bounced back to Portsmouth Sinfonia, an orchestra consisting of people with varying degrees of talent.
The Steps are a political parody group and, as this 1993 album makes achingly clear, their material doesn't have much shelf life since it depends so much on topicality. Still, tunes like "Doctor Bills," "Gun Nuts Boasting They Can Open Fire," "Why's Madonna Kissing Santa Claus," "Can't Wish You a Merry Christmas" and "Mommy's Spoiled Child" still manage to have some staying power as change-of-pace items on your Christmas mix discs. They previously released Danny's First Noel, according to Bob Bailey, referring to former vice president Quayle, in 1989. Which means they're way overdue for another holiday album. Check out their home page for some more up-to-date items, like "How the Gates Stole Christmas."
This Austin, Texas four-piece writes and performs novelty songs in the folk/country/swing traditions, as one might expect from musicians in their hometown. This particular album, from 1999, has its moments in the novelty realm, but also illustrates the dangers that occur when musicians minor in psychology. I'm always open to songs like "Christmas in July," as I once hosted a Christmas radio show in that month, and this one, a walking blues, is right in the tradition. Hanukkah alert goes to "Abraham's Lament," in which the prophet is transported to the modern day to watch people celebrate the Christian holiday traditions. "The War of the Lights" is a great idea, but the waltz tempo makes it cornball, a tone that pops up way too often on this album, as illustrated by such songs as "The Littlest Snowflake" and "Pachelbel's Tantrum," not to mention the entirely too obvious "Twelve Days of Analysis." "Happy Whatever You're Having" takes off on the many ways people try to make Christmas "inclusive" and still has some currency, but a lot of the issues they built songs around were kind of shopworn by the time this album came out. But I guess it's all part of their schtick. Covers include serviceable versions of "The Christmas Polka" and "The Christmas Boogie," otherwise, these songs were all written by Therapy Sisters past and present, as stated in the liner notes. You'll note the band lineup has evolved at the website, and the act has branched out into the realms of Spanish and kiddie music as well. The album is out of print, but you can click through to Amazon for third-party copies via the album art.
This two-and-a-half minute single-entendre from 1994 manages to be hugely entertaining; Sarah Taylor delivers what Eartha Kitt only promises in exchange for lots of gifts. "I gave Santa my cookies, he put them into his mouth" is about as subtle as it gets here, however. Still, this is one of the few songs of this type in which Santa actually scores. If you're still unsure of the thrust of this song, the second tune is "Holiday Affair." Yes, this is the same Bill Mumy who was the child star of "Lost in Space" and also is a member of novelty-meisters Barnes and Barnes of "Fish Heads" fame. The disc is selling for collector prices nowadays, but you can download both songs at Amazon.
America's favorite drag queen plays Christmas for all it's worth on this 1997 album, with tunes like "RuPaul the Red-Nosed Drag Queen" and "All I Want for Christmas" ...is plastic surgery. He slips in an original, "Funky Christmas (Christmas at My House)" that thoughtfully includes "A Visit From St. Nicholas," and a dance medley of several traditional Christmas standards. Ru shows a bit of creativity in choosing songs, like Dolly Parton's "With Bells On," Little Steven Van Zandt's "All Alone on Christmas," a funky "You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch" and an interesting arrangement in which "Disco Lady" meets "Here Comes Santa Claus." On the other hand, his "Santa Baby" is overbaked and he ruins the joke of "I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus," done in a much funnier version by comedian Kip Addotta on the first Dr. Demento Christmas album. This album was released in conjunction with his VH1 show from that period; he previously did an excellent dance-pop single of "Little Drummer Boy" on Tommy Boy in 1995 that isn't part of this collection. Strangely, the music section of RuPaul's website ignores his holiday releases.
Orion was an Elvis Presley impersonator who tried to take the impersonation to a higher level by performing in a Halloween mask so that viewers would think Elvis didn't actually die but was standing right in front of them. Actually, he looks a lot more like a fiftysomething Andy Kaufman on the album cover. The liner notes claim that "Good Morning America" took a voice print of Orion singing with Jerry Lee Lewis and said the evidence showed it was actually Elvis. Right. The 1997 album is eight sappy Christmas originals with boilerplate 1970s Nashville country arrangements, good only for playing "Live vs. Memorex" with your Elvis-loving friends. Orion recorded a subsequent holiday disc in 1998, Holiday Tribute to the King, which featured the singer, assisted by the Jordanaires, doing the Elvis thing on Christmas songs Elvis himself had previously recorded. Sadly, Orion, real name Jimmy Ellis, was killed in a robbery of the package store he owned in Orrville, Ala., in 1998. His records remain available at his memorial website.
Quick recap for those who aren't familiar: this band's claim to voltage is that it's a reggae band that plays Led Zeppelin covers with an Elvis impersonator ("Tortelvis") as vocalist. How does this jive with the idea of doing Christmas music? Decide for yourself with this 1994 EP, originally a fan club-only release (the fan club being Physical Jah-Fitti). As such, this is fairly self-indulgent, the title song and "Chritmas Question 'n Answer" being little more than between-song patter. That leaves two non-Christmas tunes, "The Last Resort" from a National Lampoon movie and their version of Zep's "Kashmir," and two Christmas songs, "It's Christmastime 'n I Like It," which takes off from KC and the Sunshine Band's similarly-named disco hit, and their cover of "All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth," which is also found on the IRS Just In Time for Christmas album. Definitely for fans only. They revisited Christmas with the 2005 album Dread Zeppelin Presents: Merry Christmas!
I know people who are obsessed with cows, and for them this 1994 disc would be a great Christmas present if it were still available. For the rest of us, it's a one-joke album. Dig these song titles: "Hallemoojah Chorus," "Angus We Have Heard On High," "God Rest Ye Merry, Cattlemen," "Deck the Stalls With Oats and Barley," "We Wish You a Dairy Christmas," and so on. Alert: They don't moo the songs in the style of the Singing Dogs or the Jingle Cats; these are all human voices. Third-party merchants on Amazon occasionally have this, so I linked the page. I need to add to this post that questions about this record have generated the most e-mail to this site since I first posted this review at the site's opening in 1997.
You know how there are so many Elvis impersonators (Presley, you wise asses out there) that they've mutated into sub-specialties, like female Elvises (Elvi?), pre-teens, babies, firemen, paratroopers, etc.? Well, here's a Hispanic Elvis for you. Judging by this CD EP from 1994, El Vez knows he's kidding, even if his fans don't. This CD kicks off with a real attention grabber: the intro from Public Image Limited's "Public Image" leads into a rendition of "Feliz Navidad," and some of the other songs are adapted from familiar tunes, as in "Santa Claus is Sometimes Brown," "Brown Christmas," and "Christmas Wish." Points for a cover of "Donde Esta Santa Claus," too. Actually, he doesn't really hang on to the Elvis voice much on this record; probably too much else going on. UPDATE: This is out of print, but the artist has a new one available through his website, Sno-Way Jose, featuring a Stooges takeoff, "Now I Wanna Be Santa Claus." Watch for that one once I've had a chance to listen to it.
This is an independent production out of Philadelphia circa 1992. I don't know anything about Pat (UPDATE: I do now), but I like the way he thinks. I bought this without hearing it as soon as I saw the eighth cut on the album, "Grandpa Got Worked Over By a Mobster," which is an excellent parody of the now-overplayed Elmo and Patsy tune and alone worth buying the album for. The title song is Christmas through the eyes of Santa's reindeer, possibly a first, and other highlights include "I Got Dumped For Christmas," "Santa, Welcome To the Modern World" and "Christmas Tree." The overall performances and sound quality are a little amateurish, but "Grandpa" makes it all worthwhile. There are some copies knocking around cheaply, but Pat's currently got all his recordings up on his website.
The Crypt Keeper from the HBO program "Tales From the Crypt" belts out a dozen or so popular Christmas tunes with new lyrics on this 1994 album, as in "Deck the Halls With Parts of Charlie," "We Wish You'd Bury the Missus" and "Should Old Cadavers Be Forgot." A one-joke concept, sure, but there's a fair number of giggles among the gross-outs. Given the show's cult following, you probably won't be surprised to discover this out-of-print album is selling for collector prices nowadays.
Don't let the record label's name fool you, this isn't just for kids. Some of the most ludicrous novelty Christmas songs ever made are right here on this single album, compiled in 1995. "Silent Night" as done by John Phillip Sousa? A surfer version of "Little Drummer Boy"? A Celtic reel "White Christmas"? A Jewish folk rendition of "Deck the Halls"? These are just the most obvious gags. Only a pop music obsessive, for example, would get the point of "Silent Night Walkin'," in which the traditional carol is superimposed over 50s instrumental "Sleepwalkin'" by Santo and Johnny. The Sinatra-esque stylings of Mr. Bob Francis over a perfect Nelson Riddle and his Orchestra-clone backing track combine in a rendition of "Away in a Manger" that absolutely skewers the Chairman of the Board -- and judging by the liner notes, inadvertently so. Not to mention the Bing Crosby meets Jim Morrison version of "We Three Kings" -- but hey, I'm spoiling it for you. This one is best experienced completely by surprise. Literally something for everybody. Now out of print, but the Amazon page shows third-party resellers peddling it cheaply -- in some places it pulls collector prices.
There's no way to get around it -- you're either going to love this 1999 album or hate it with every fiber of your being. Those of you who have been getting all your entertainment from Chinese satellite providers over the past few years probably aren't aware of the "South Park" phenomenon, but everybody else is, and this Christmas album grew out of the series' Christmas episode, one of the few in which Kenny doesn't get killed. Once you know that Mr. Hankey is "the Christmas poo," you'll probably be able to make up your mind as to whether you want this or not. The Parental Advisory label is well deserved; not only is there a generous helping of gratuitous dirty language, but the entire premise of several songs is guaranteed to offend a majority of people. "Christmas Time in Hell," for example, has Michael Landon, Gene Siskel, Princess Di and JFKs Sr. and Jr. all sharing the same eternal fate as Jeffrey Dahmer, Adolph Hitler and Genghis Khan. In "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo," physical descriptions of the star of the show are gag-inducing exercises. And "What the Hell Child Is This?" features Chef denying he's the father of a baby, until he discovers it's actually Jesus. Then there's "The Most Offensive Song Ever," which almost fails to live up to its billing since Kenny's singing part of it through his too-tight hood. On the brighter side are Mr. Garrison's twisted ode to religious tolerance, "Merry F- Christmas," and Mr. Mackey's hysterical "Carol of the Bells." Two Hannukah Alerts come with "Dreidel Dreidel Dreidel," a hilarious ensemble singing piece, and Kyle's classic ballad "The Lonely Jew On Christmas." Other items are bits of incidental music from the special and from the episode promoting this album. Too bad it doesn't have the entertaining Christmas medley duet by Santa Claus and Jesus Christ from a different episode.
Christmas is always a little merrier when a new Bob Rivers Christmas album hits the racks. This one, his third, from 1997, has more of the rock band parodies that have made his reputation. Richard Simmons turns in a guest cameo on "It's the Most Fattening Time of the Year" and Alan White of Yes mans the drums on "Holidaze," a takeoff on "Purple Haze." Rivers raids the Beatles catalog twice for "It's Jesus' Birthday" and "All You Need is Elves," and the Stones meet Sinatra on a jazzy "Get Off My House." "Sled Zeppelin" is a takeoff on Page and Plant's "D'yer Maker." Celebrities take a beating on "Rummy Rocker Boy," a parody of the Bing and Bowie record, and the self-explanatory "There's a Santa Who Looks a Lot Like Elvis." A B-52s parody, "Toy Sack," may be the best thing here. And "The Buttcracker Suite" speaks for itself. This one's currently out of print, but between Bob's site and Amazon, you may still be able to get a copy.
Bob Rivers began calling his parodies Twisted Tunes around the time of this 1993 album. The title song "I Am Santa Claus" is done to the tune of Black Sabbath's "Ironman" and is alone worth the price of the album. With this album, Rivers began cultivating a harder rock sound that also does an excellent job of sounding like the bands being parodied, as in the case of the above-mentioned title song, "Jingle Hells Bells" evoking AC/DC doing "My Favorite Things" and "O Little Town of Bethehem," which sounds like the Animals doing "House of the Rising Sun." Other note-perfect parodies from this disc include "Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear" ("Winter Wonderland"), "Didn't I Get This Last Year" ("Do You Hear What I Hear"), "Manger 6," a takeff on the Tom Bodett Motel 6 ads, "Grahbe Yabalz" pokes fun at Michael Jackson's dance moves, and "The What's It To Ya Chorus" makes the familiar chorus a bit more in-your-face. Another great collection from Rivers.
The second release by this ad hoc holiday group featuring Dan Hicks and other Northern California musicians shows progress from the first album, Mistletoe Jam. "Under the Mistletoe" is a Hicks original, and "Rockin' the Nativity Scene" and "He's on Holiday in His Mind" are originals by band members. Some of the popular songs have had their lyrics rewritten by the performers here, for example, "Santa as Seen on TV" done to "The Sheik of Araby" and "S-A-N-T-A" to the tune of "Gloria." Classic holiday fare like "Let It Snow," "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus," "Jingle Bell Rock" and "Run Rudolph Run" round out the collection, and "Santa Claus Wants Some Lovin'" makes a return appearance from the first album. From 1991.
Dr. Demento's first Christmas compilation helped make near-standards out of a fair number of obscure holiday novelties, so the arrival of a second collection in 1995 was almost inevitable. The newer one has more of the same but of more recent vintage, on average, including two Hanukkah tunes, "Hanukkah Rocks" by Gefilte Joe and the Fish, and "Hanukkah Homeboy" by Doc Mo She, a rap tune. Other top-notch novelties on this album include a Bob Rivers cut, "The Twelve Pains of Christmas," The Bob and Tom Band's "It's Christmas and I Wonder Where I Am," the Waitresses' "Christmas Wrapping," and a truly demented piece by Mona Abboud called "The Pretty Little Dolly" that was actually recorded live on the Johnny Carson show (you can hear him laughing at the end). Also represented are Da Yoopers, Father Guido Sarducci and the unfunniest man alive, Ray Stevens. Overall, this collection isn't quite as iconic as the original, but it's certainly full of holiday giggles.
The 50s novelty hit "Jingle Bells" by The Singing Dogs has an honored place in the hearts of many baby boomers and continues to turn up on the radio every Christmas. As a result, it's only natural that someone would attempt to update the legend, first with cats and later with dogs, starting with this 1993 release. It's a lot easier nowadays; The Singing Dogs were created via tape editing and variable-speed oscillators, while these new ones simply mewed or barked into a sampler. These albums have their moments, but it's tough to listen to them all the way through; it's a one-joke concept. If you like to make mix tapes/discs, like I do, one cut from any of these is more than enough. The feline sequel was Here Comes Santa Claws, and the canine takes from the same creator included Puppy Holidays and Xmas Unleashed. Then came Rockabye Christmas in 1997 by the Jingle Babies. Same concept, only with goo-goos and ga-gas.
From the cover, you're likely to get the idea this 1995 album is some kind of rockabilly Christmas deal, but you'll be disappointed. It's got a 1950s vibe all right, but a "Happy Days"-inspired one, as you might expect from a show band whose leader "travels with 50 costume changes," as listed on the website. Some of these tunes, like "A Christmas Wish" and "Merry Christmas to You," are just flat-out lounge music, "Winter Wonderland" is strictly from Lawrence Welk land, and the obligatory kids-singing number "Can't Wait Till Christmas Day" is about what you'd expect. "White Christmas" gets a nice "Blueberry Hill" arrangement, and "Christmas Just Ain't Christmas Without You" is a serviceable blues ballad, although the synth horns hurt it, and "I Wish I Was a Christmas Tree" is a half-decent novelty tune. The disc has its moments, but nothing to top the old masters from the early days of rock 'n roll.
These crazy Canadians knocked out a whole CD of original novelties for 1998, with great titles like "Santa's Gonna Kick Your Ass," which is probably what a lot of people's dads really said to them between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Of course, they balance the karma on this with "Dad Threw Up On Christmas Day," an ode to gluttony, viruses and food poisoning, which eventually takes us to the story of "Vincent the Christmas Virus." Other holiday ailments covered in song include "Christmas Hangover" and "Christmas Blues." Even the main course has "Christmas Turkey Blues." And imagine waking up to discover "Oh God, I'm Santa Claus!," complete with Wild Man Fischer touches. This is sure to yield a few good change-of-pace nuggets on your holiday mix tapes and discs.
